At the Crossroads
Life has led me to this room. He has called me, and brought me to this place of decision, the one where our life turns one way or the other. His mere presence has sent my body to its knees, without any input from my will. He looks ordinary, but there is something about His demeanor that tells me He is so much more than man. Looking into His eyes almost takes more effort than I can muster.
In any case, I must choose which way to take my life. The world tells me that I’ll have to change who I really am if I follow Him. I may even lose who I am, and become a part of Him. I know the choice is mine. He will honor that choice. The world clamors loudly, but His voice, nearly lost in the din, is deeper.
I am being given a choice of keeping who I am, and having limited, if any, access to Him; or total, unconditional surrender, merging our spirits into one, possibly losing the person I am in the process. I would truly be one with Him, but He would absorb my innermost being into Himself. The world says that I would cease to exist as a separate being from Him.
But He wants me to be with Him.
I have to admit, He’s been totally honest. I would be sacrificing a lot to follow Him. He concedes that the person I am now will be gone. I would be giving up significant rights to determine my own future. It would cause more problems in the world than it would fix. I would go from being accepted by the world to being rejected, sometimes harshly, by that same world. There would be other sacrifices, too.
As He approaches me, His glory strengthens to the point that if I weren’t still on my knees, I would have to back away. He brushes the back of His hand down my cheek. “I love you, regardless.” He says. “You’ll be safe here until you decide.”
I watch Him start to leave, and my voice catches as I call out, “Wait.”
He turns to me. I tell Him, “I don’t need any time to think about it. I want to be with You.” I take a deep breath, and add, “My life is Yours.”
As He comes a step closer, He says, “Are you sure? If you do this, you must allow Me total access into every part of your life. I will not accept partial Lordship. It is all or nothing. Do you understand?”
“Probably not.” I say, causing Him to smile. “But I love You.”
“If that is your decision, so be it. Come to Me.”
I understand that I must go to Him, as an act of submission. He holds His hand out, and I rise and go to Him. As I come closer to Him, I realize that my hands are shaking.
He cups my face in His hand, forcing my eyes to meet His directly. His voice is so gentle. “Don’t be afraid, little one. You are Mine now, and you need never fear again.” He takes my hand, and His eyes seem to burn into mine. He repeats quietly, “Come to Me.”
I feel His Spirit pulling me into Him, merging our beings, with mine being subordinate. It feels like going home. “I love You.” I whisper as I disappear into Him.
I open my eyes, and am surprised to find myself lying on a couch in that same room. He is leaning back in a thick, comfortable chair nearby, regarding me thoughtfully. I sit up and look around at the room, then at Him, saying, “I don’t understand. Why didn’t I join with You?”
“Who said you didn’t?” He asks with a small smile.
“But I’m still me, I’m not a part of You.”
I hear His voice in my heart: Are you sure about that?
I feel His Spirit welling up in me like a geyser, causing me to catch my breath. My mouth drops open as He brings my vision inward, and lets me see. He is really in me, and I in Him. We are one.
I can’t suppress a smile. I am whole, for the first time in my life. “I thought I would lose who I am.” I say quietly.
He asks, “Are you not different than you were before?”
I examine my thoughts, my feelings, my knowledge, the understanding that He has given me.
I have to admit, “No, I’m not who I was. But You spoke of sacrifice earlier. What have I sacrificed?”
He shows me. I’ve sacrificed my fears: the fear of death, the fear of failure. I’ve given up my guilt for past sins. I’ve sacrificed most of my past hurts. “We will work on the others together,” His Spirit whispers to mine.
I have also sacrificed my dreams and goals. But He shows me a small glimpse of His plans for me, and I realize how silly and shallow my own plans were. “But I haven’t given You anything of value.” I insist.
“You’ve given Me yourself. Your heart, your love, your loyalty. You’ve given Me Lordship over your life. It is all I wanted.”
“What if I had chosen to stay the way I was?”
“Your choice would have been honored. But you would have been that person for eternity.” I shake my head, grateful for His presence in my spirit, and in my heart.
I stand, and discover an inner strength that I’ve never had before. I look around the room, and can tell something’s changed. Speaking more to myself than Him, I say, “It’s all so new. I mean, it’s the same, but it’s different, too.”
He laughs, and nods. I bring my gaze back to Him. “This isn’t new to You, though, is it?” I ask.
“I’ve had hundreds of thousands of children choose to follow Me. Each time, it’s new.” Then, answering the question in my head, “No, I never get tired of it. It is always a joy when a child chooses to follow Me. I love watching My children truly see for the first time.”
I can’t figure it out, but He is not the same, either. “You’re different, too.” I say.
“What do you see now that’s different?” He asks. I study Him for a few minutes.
“I’m not sure.” I shake my head a little, and ask, “Will You show me?”
He nods, and asks, “Tell Me. Who does your heart tell you that I am.”
“You’re Jesus Christ, the Son of God.”
His chin raises slightly as He asks, “And you are. . ?” I smile a little, catching His reasoning, and whisper, “I am Yours.” It’s who He is to me that has changed.
As I walk to Him, there is a possessiveness in His eyes that wasn’t there before, and it sends shivers down my spine. I come to His side, and stand next to His knees. He is looking up at me with such love in His expression. I kneel at His feet, this time voluntarily, out of love. “Lord, I want to serve You.”
He studies me thoughtfully for a full minute, and reaches out to stroke my hair. There is so much tenderness in His touch. When His hand brushes my cheek, I place my hand over His to keep it there. I’ve never known such a peace even existed, and as my eyes flutter closed, I think, “Lord, I could kneel here forever.”
“You will,” He promises, “when you come home. For now, we both have some things to do.” He says.
“Anything, Lord,” I reply, bowing my head.
At my declaration, He leans toward me, His hand now cupping my chin and pulling my gaze up to His. “Anything?” He asks.
I take a deep breath. I’m not sure if the decisions and actions running through my head are from Him or my own brain, but some are terrifying. Then, my eyes focus on Him, and none of it matters.
“Anything,” I whisper. His grin shows approval of my declaration. A small sound of delight escapes my mouth as He kisses my forehead gently.
He stands, and offers His hand to me. As I rise, He pulls me into His arms. He holds me tightly, and whispers in my ear, “Heed My voice in your heart. My Spirit will never leave you, and I’ll come and bring you home soon.”
Thank You so much, Lord. My heart speaks to His.
Back in my life, things have indeed changed. “Something’s different here, too.” I pray silently.
His Spirit responds. “You are beginning to see things through My eyes. For instance, who is that?”
I look and see my neighbor. She’s always been ill-tempered, and I’ve never liked her much. “That’s Edna.” I say. “But she looks so lonely. What’s happened to her?”
“She has not changed. You are different, seeing what’s behind her defensiveness.”
I don’t like a lot of what I see now. The homeless bum that always annoyed me is now a veteran of war, who fought for my freedom, and now can’t escape the memories of having to kill to survive. The prostitute on the side of the road is now a scared 16 year old runaway, under the watchful eye and violent temper of her “boyfriend.” The brat down the road who’s always kicking dogs and cursing at everyone? A 10 year old boy who has been beaten all his life by a father who was abused himself, and doesn’t know any other way.
There’s so much to do, I think. So many people who are in need. Why didn’t I see it before?
“Your vision is now clearer.” His Spirit tells me. “Let Me help them through you. First, bake some cookies. Take them, and go knock on Edna’s door. . .”
In any case, I must choose which way to take my life. The world tells me that I’ll have to change who I really am if I follow Him. I may even lose who I am, and become a part of Him. I know the choice is mine. He will honor that choice. The world clamors loudly, but His voice, nearly lost in the din, is deeper.
I am being given a choice of keeping who I am, and having limited, if any, access to Him; or total, unconditional surrender, merging our spirits into one, possibly losing the person I am in the process. I would truly be one with Him, but He would absorb my innermost being into Himself. The world says that I would cease to exist as a separate being from Him.
But He wants me to be with Him.
I have to admit, He’s been totally honest. I would be sacrificing a lot to follow Him. He concedes that the person I am now will be gone. I would be giving up significant rights to determine my own future. It would cause more problems in the world than it would fix. I would go from being accepted by the world to being rejected, sometimes harshly, by that same world. There would be other sacrifices, too.
As He approaches me, His glory strengthens to the point that if I weren’t still on my knees, I would have to back away. He brushes the back of His hand down my cheek. “I love you, regardless.” He says. “You’ll be safe here until you decide.”
I watch Him start to leave, and my voice catches as I call out, “Wait.”
He turns to me. I tell Him, “I don’t need any time to think about it. I want to be with You.” I take a deep breath, and add, “My life is Yours.”
As He comes a step closer, He says, “Are you sure? If you do this, you must allow Me total access into every part of your life. I will not accept partial Lordship. It is all or nothing. Do you understand?”
“Probably not.” I say, causing Him to smile. “But I love You.”
“If that is your decision, so be it. Come to Me.”
I understand that I must go to Him, as an act of submission. He holds His hand out, and I rise and go to Him. As I come closer to Him, I realize that my hands are shaking.
He cups my face in His hand, forcing my eyes to meet His directly. His voice is so gentle. “Don’t be afraid, little one. You are Mine now, and you need never fear again.” He takes my hand, and His eyes seem to burn into mine. He repeats quietly, “Come to Me.”
I feel His Spirit pulling me into Him, merging our beings, with mine being subordinate. It feels like going home. “I love You.” I whisper as I disappear into Him.
I open my eyes, and am surprised to find myself lying on a couch in that same room. He is leaning back in a thick, comfortable chair nearby, regarding me thoughtfully. I sit up and look around at the room, then at Him, saying, “I don’t understand. Why didn’t I join with You?”
“Who said you didn’t?” He asks with a small smile.
“But I’m still me, I’m not a part of You.”
I hear His voice in my heart: Are you sure about that?
I feel His Spirit welling up in me like a geyser, causing me to catch my breath. My mouth drops open as He brings my vision inward, and lets me see. He is really in me, and I in Him. We are one.
I can’t suppress a smile. I am whole, for the first time in my life. “I thought I would lose who I am.” I say quietly.
He asks, “Are you not different than you were before?”
I examine my thoughts, my feelings, my knowledge, the understanding that He has given me.
I have to admit, “No, I’m not who I was. But You spoke of sacrifice earlier. What have I sacrificed?”
He shows me. I’ve sacrificed my fears: the fear of death, the fear of failure. I’ve given up my guilt for past sins. I’ve sacrificed most of my past hurts. “We will work on the others together,” His Spirit whispers to mine.
I have also sacrificed my dreams and goals. But He shows me a small glimpse of His plans for me, and I realize how silly and shallow my own plans were. “But I haven’t given You anything of value.” I insist.
“You’ve given Me yourself. Your heart, your love, your loyalty. You’ve given Me Lordship over your life. It is all I wanted.”
“What if I had chosen to stay the way I was?”
“Your choice would have been honored. But you would have been that person for eternity.” I shake my head, grateful for His presence in my spirit, and in my heart.
I stand, and discover an inner strength that I’ve never had before. I look around the room, and can tell something’s changed. Speaking more to myself than Him, I say, “It’s all so new. I mean, it’s the same, but it’s different, too.”
He laughs, and nods. I bring my gaze back to Him. “This isn’t new to You, though, is it?” I ask.
“I’ve had hundreds of thousands of children choose to follow Me. Each time, it’s new.” Then, answering the question in my head, “No, I never get tired of it. It is always a joy when a child chooses to follow Me. I love watching My children truly see for the first time.”
I can’t figure it out, but He is not the same, either. “You’re different, too.” I say.
“What do you see now that’s different?” He asks. I study Him for a few minutes.
“I’m not sure.” I shake my head a little, and ask, “Will You show me?”
He nods, and asks, “Tell Me. Who does your heart tell you that I am.”
“You’re Jesus Christ, the Son of God.”
His chin raises slightly as He asks, “And you are. . ?” I smile a little, catching His reasoning, and whisper, “I am Yours.” It’s who He is to me that has changed.
As I walk to Him, there is a possessiveness in His eyes that wasn’t there before, and it sends shivers down my spine. I come to His side, and stand next to His knees. He is looking up at me with such love in His expression. I kneel at His feet, this time voluntarily, out of love. “Lord, I want to serve You.”
He studies me thoughtfully for a full minute, and reaches out to stroke my hair. There is so much tenderness in His touch. When His hand brushes my cheek, I place my hand over His to keep it there. I’ve never known such a peace even existed, and as my eyes flutter closed, I think, “Lord, I could kneel here forever.”
“You will,” He promises, “when you come home. For now, we both have some things to do.” He says.
“Anything, Lord,” I reply, bowing my head.
At my declaration, He leans toward me, His hand now cupping my chin and pulling my gaze up to His. “Anything?” He asks.
I take a deep breath. I’m not sure if the decisions and actions running through my head are from Him or my own brain, but some are terrifying. Then, my eyes focus on Him, and none of it matters.
“Anything,” I whisper. His grin shows approval of my declaration. A small sound of delight escapes my mouth as He kisses my forehead gently.
He stands, and offers His hand to me. As I rise, He pulls me into His arms. He holds me tightly, and whispers in my ear, “Heed My voice in your heart. My Spirit will never leave you, and I’ll come and bring you home soon.”
Thank You so much, Lord. My heart speaks to His.
Back in my life, things have indeed changed. “Something’s different here, too.” I pray silently.
His Spirit responds. “You are beginning to see things through My eyes. For instance, who is that?”
I look and see my neighbor. She’s always been ill-tempered, and I’ve never liked her much. “That’s Edna.” I say. “But she looks so lonely. What’s happened to her?”
“She has not changed. You are different, seeing what’s behind her defensiveness.”
I don’t like a lot of what I see now. The homeless bum that always annoyed me is now a veteran of war, who fought for my freedom, and now can’t escape the memories of having to kill to survive. The prostitute on the side of the road is now a scared 16 year old runaway, under the watchful eye and violent temper of her “boyfriend.” The brat down the road who’s always kicking dogs and cursing at everyone? A 10 year old boy who has been beaten all his life by a father who was abused himself, and doesn’t know any other way.
There’s so much to do, I think. So many people who are in need. Why didn’t I see it before?
“Your vision is now clearer.” His Spirit tells me. “Let Me help them through you. First, bake some cookies. Take them, and go knock on Edna’s door. . .”