The Judgment and Wedding
When Jesus met me at the gates, He was the welcoming Friend, glad to see me and to hold me. As time has passed, He has been both regal and approachable, both majestic, and fun-loving.
But this is different. On earth, the rapture has occurred. We now stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Our lives are being judged. In my heart, I hear Him call to me.
I approach Him. He is sitting on His throne, eight steps above me. I come as far as a couple of steps below Him, and kneel before my Lord. There is a large torch beside Him, burning with a white-hot flame. A seraph steps forward with a book which has my name on it.
He looks at the seraph and nods. The seraph begins to read.
Every sinful action and thought I ever committed is written in that book. Though He took the guilt away when I first came, it is still difficult to hear.
Then I hear His voice. “I have paid for that sin.” My eyes fly up to His, and I cannot look away, as the seraph reads sins, and Jesus says, “That debt is paid,” after each one. At each declaration, the seraph places the page on the flame beside him, and it burns to nothing. As I kneel there, I realize just how much His grace gave me, and with each sin paid for, my wonder grows.
The voice of the seraph fades in my mind, and all I hear is Jesus’ statement, over and over. “That debt is paid.” He has paid all my debts. Our eyes are still locked together, and I shake my head slowly, only now realizing just how much He loves me, and the lengths He went to so that I could be counted as righteous. He did all this for me? I ask myself incredulously
.
Suddenly, Jesus raises a hand, stopping the seraph’s reading.
“Come here, little one.” He tells me. The look of tenderness on His face is almost more than I can bear. I rise and come to Him. His hand gently enfolds mine. “Stand here by Me.”
Then, without His gaze leaving mine, He motions again to the seraph, who begins to read where he left off. Our faces are less than two feet apart, and I can barely hold his gaze as He again replies to each of the seraph’s readings with a whispered, “It is paid.” The seraph finishes, closes the book, and takes a step back.
Jesus cups my face with His hand, and it’s more than I can stand. I fall back to my knees, and wonder how I will ever be able to express my gratitude, my desperate need to worship One so full of grace and mercy? Words won’t come.
“Hear my heart,” my spirit cries out to Him.
Love and grace are flowing from Him like a river, engulfing me in peace. I don’t understand such a love. I bow my head, and rest my forehead on His knee. I feel His hand stroke my hair, and can’t suppress a shudder of pure emotion.
“I hear your heart, beloved. And yes, I love you that much, and more.”
“Can I just stay here forever?” I whisper.
He places His hand under my chin and pulls my gaze back to Him. “We are not finished.” I look questioningly at Him. It is then that I notice the seraph is back, this time with another book with my name on it.
“More sin?” I think to myself.
The seraph begins to read.
“October 14th, 2006, accepted our Lord in her heart
January 5th, 2007, prayed for and received the Holy Spirit baptism;
January 8th, confessed her faith to a brother in Christ; . . .”
My eyes widen, and Jesus’ eyes sparkle, as this list is read. I had almost forgotten that the positive, as well as negative, would be revealed. This time, as each page is placed in the fire, it seems to melt down into the hottest part of the flame. The list goes on: “March, 2007, heard and accepted God’s calling for her life; June, 2007, led her son to Christ . . .”
Again, the seraph’s voice fades, as I concentrate on my Lord’s face. The tenderness is still there, but now pride shines through. He is proud of me. My mind has difficulty grasping that idea. My Lord’s hand brushes my cheek, and His love for me is obvious. With each deed read, the emotion in His eyes deepens.
Then, the seraph stops reading. He reaches into the fire, and then hands something to Jesus. It’s a crown, a beautiful golden crown. There are jewels all around it, and they sparkle as if they each have their own light in them. He turns to me, and places the crown on my head.
.
“Well done, child.” He says quietly.
“This represents my life?” I ask in wonder.
At His nod, I rise, and remove the crown. “Then it rightfully belongs to my King.” I say, and I place the crown where it belongs: on His head. He stands and I step gratefully into His arms.
Then He puts one finger under my chin and lifts my face to His. He bends down to me, and brushes His lips against my forehead, whispering, “I love you. Go join the rest. The Wedding feast is beginning.”
The rest? I had forgotten the crowd even existed.
As I return to the crowd, I realize that He has judged everyone at once. Music begins, and there is a gigantic table, laden with foods of all kinds. At first, the music is solemn and worshipful, paying homage to our King and praising His great love and sacrifice. We are given the words and melody in our hearts, and everyone sings in harmony. It’s a choir of billions, including many legions of angelic beings.
Jesus smiles as He listens. At the end of the song, He stands, and all fall silent. “Beloved, I accept your worship, and return to you My love.” At this, I am hit with a wave of love that brings me to my knees. When I catch my breath, I notice that everyone was equally affected, including the angels.
He continues. “This is a celebration, children. Dance. Sing. Eat. Love one another. Have fun.”
The music starts again, this time joyful and upbeat. It’s a song with so much joy, that it is difficult not to dance.
The celebration is enormous. Everyone I see is so joyful. Some are eating at huge buffets, loaded with foods I’ve never seen or tasted before coming home. Some are talking, laughing. Some are praising Messiah, Who is sitting on His throne, watching His children with satisfaction. Some are singing. A large number of people are dancing. It’s the dance of ecstatic children.
Somehow, though, all the noise is harmonious. It’s impossible to tell how long the celebration has been going on. Sometimes it feels like it just started, and sometimes I can’t remember doing anything else.
I had been dancing earlier, and I have spoken with many of my heroes. I especially enjoyed talking to the earthly father of Jesus. Joseph told me he had indeed felt perplexed at the idea of having to show his Creator how to hold a hammer. I also was privileged to speak with Gabriel, the messenger who told Mary that she would be the mother of the Christ. None of the attempts at portraying him showed his beauty, or his regal bearing. I had never thought about an angel’s voice, but his was gentle and kind, despite his intimidating size.
I make my way to the front of the crowd, greeting people as I go. I wonder how long it would take to speak to everyone. There must be billions here, I think. But it is only a side thought.
When I come to the front of the crowd, I am where I want to be – standing once again at the bottom of eight long steps. At the top is Christ, seated on His throne, speaking to one of the elders. Quietly, I sit on the bottom step for a while, and enjoy simply looking at Him.
Someone calls to me, and I turn and acknowledge the greeting, but decline the offer to join the party again.
Do you need anything, little one? The voice is spoken directly to my heart.
I turn back to Him, and respond, “No, Lord Jesus.”
He smiles. “Come here.” I hadn’t realized how badly I had wanted to hear that until He said it. I slowly climbed the steps, not breaking eye contact with Him. I stop on the sixth step, and go down on one knee.
Bowing my head, I say, “Yes, Lord?”
“Sit here beside Me.”
I sit on the top step, next to Him at His feet, pulling one knee up to my chest and resting my head on it. As I look up at Him, I feel such a flood of peace, that I can’t imagine being more content. He goes back to speaking with the elder, but the light emanating from Him infuses my entire being with His love. As I bask in His light, my hand slides down my leg, and brushes His foot.
Absently, my fingers skim over the scars on His feet. I remember thinking that they would be horrific-looking, and they are, but they are also the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, because of the love that they represent. My hand rests on His foot, and my thumb rubs the scar, wishing I could erase the pain that came with it.
It no longer pains Me, little one.
As my face turns pink, I pull my hand back, glancing up at His face. Though He’s still listening to the elder, His gaze falls on me briefly, His eyes sparkling with both love at my gesture, and amusement at my mild embarrassment. I return His smile, and close my eyes, sighing in contentment.
He finishes speaking to the elder, and grows quiet. I open my eyes again, and He is looking at me. My heart is so full of love for this God-Man. I want to tell Him, but I’m frozen, lost in His eyes. He cups my face with His hand, and I wonder at His love for me, so obvious in His expression. Still holding my gaze, He sends to my heart memories – the same ones the seraph had read from the second book. The time I first gave my life to Him, and accepted His salvation. The thrill I felt when I first totally surrendered all control of my life to Him. The (albeit reluctant) acceptance of His call on my life. The memories keep coming, at lightening speed, each memory one where I obeyed His voice.
Then He responds possessively, “I love you because you are Mine.”
I smile and nod. “I am Yours.” I agree.
When someone approaches to speak with Him, I turn and look out over the crowd. I watch the people as they rejoice, but I’m happy to stay where I am for now. As I sit there, without thinking I lean my head to one side, resting on the side of His knee. His hand rests on my head, encouraging me to stay there. I feel so peaceful, but I wish I could express how much I worship Him. He knows my heart, and I have no doubt that He knows the extent of my love for Him. But I’d still like to be able to show it.
“Come with Me.” I look up, and as He stands, He holds out His hand to me.
We walk a couple of steps, and the throne room fades. I look up at Him as we emerge into a large sitting room. There’s a fireplace with a chair just to the right of it and a sofa on the left. He walks with me to the fireplace, where there is a warm fire burning. Walking a few steps away, He turns back to me, motions to the chair, and says, “Sit, please. I want to explain something to you.” I nod, and He begins.
“I placed in all souls the desire for a joining of their spirits with Mine. There are different desires in each person’s spirit. All want to share in the love I have for them. But some want to understand how We created all things. Some desire above all else a deeper understanding of the events of earth’s history. Quite a few desire to write, or sing, expressing their love for the Father. Each person is different, with different interests. These desires all stem from the gifts the Spirit gave them, how well they developed them, and their desire for unity with Me. I will meet with each of them, and fulfill their hearts’ desires. Each of my children will have a special relationship with Me, each one unlike any other.”
I nod again, understanding so far. But His next words startle me.
“What is your heart’s desire? What do you want above all things?”
I smile shyly. “I just want to be with You, Lord. I don’t have a desire deeper than that.” I say quietly.
“Yes, you do. There is one thing you wish for, even now.”
I look at Him, a little confused. “I don’t understand, Lord.”
Still He waits. Say what’s in your heart, He says silently to me. You have thought about it many times since you came home.
Of course, He knows, but He wants me to see it for myself. I close my eyes, and think. I find the answer in my own thoughts. I look up at Him with wonder.
“I want to be able to express my worship of You.”
He nods, and smiles at me. “Yes, exactly.” He comes closer, and kneels, so that we are eye to eye.
“All my children desire to express their love in different ways.” His hand reaches out, and brushes down my cheek. “You, beloved, you are special indeed. You desire above all else to experience pure, holy worship, to express what is in your heart. In the world, after you came to Me, you could never get enough of My Spirit, never felt like you could communicate enough of your love to Me. You worried about being selfish, of asking for My Spirit too much. You were never satisfied with the small part of My Spirit that your mortal body could contain. The hunger to be with Me and to communicate your love for Me was strong in your spirit, and that hunger is still with you. It is why you would rather sit with Me than to join in the celebration.”
I am frozen, stunned at these truths that I could never quite pin down. Despite the peace following Him had given me, there had always been an ache, a longing, for an unachievable closeness with Him.
He rises, and motions for me to stand as well, as His expression becomes serious. “Now, I will fulfill your heart’s desire. I will join My Spirit with yours on a much deeper level, and you will be able to express your worship at the level you wish.”
He holds out His hand, and I take it, completely trusting.
Our eyes meet, and I gasp as I feel His Spirit flowing into me, through our joined hands and through our eyes. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve ever known or understood. Peace floods my spirit as our spirits mesh, and become inseparable.
The pressure builds in my heart, and I instinctively begin to feed our combined spirits back to Him. His smile tells me that I have begun to understand. This is to be not a gift from Him to me, but a give-and-take, both of us giving, and both of us receiving.
My eyes close, and I feel like I’m going to come apart into thousands of shards of spirit – His and mine. Aspects and facets of worship I never dreamed of are flooding my mind. A part of my mind stores them away for now – rational thought is nearly impossible. The peace is so overwhelming, my mind retreats to the background, and our combined spirits take over control.
I find myself falling, all strength gone from my legs. He catches me as I fall, and gently lowers me to the sofa behind me.
My eyes open, and He is sitting next to me. He’s right, I do understand now. Or I’m beginning to.
My eyes widen as I slowly begin to realize the gift He’s given me – the knowledge and ability to worship Him the way I’ve always wanted to. With my whole mind, strength, soul and spirit, together in harmony. And there is another level of worship, one that I have no words for, which connects me with Him at deeper levels than I knew existed. I reach out, and my hand brushes His face, as I say, “And I thought I couldn’t get closer to You.”
He laughs a little. “Your ability to worship, and to express love, has increased a thousand-fold. And it will continue to grow. My Spirit has fully joined with yours. Our spirits will never separate.” My mind quickly scans through some of the abilities His Spirit has imparted to mine, and reels at the possibilities.
Then He whispers, “I’ll show you. Close your eyes.” I do, and He adds, “Relax. Feel My Spirit flowing through you.”
“Surrender your spirit to Mine. Let My Spirit lead you.” My heart understands, and my spirit soars, following His, entering a circle of light brighter than any I’ve ever seen, even brighter than His light. I realize that I stand before the Father in all His glory.
With His Spirit as my guide, I use my expanded abilities; I take every ounce of worship that is in me, and give it to Jehovah God. But even as I worship, my capacity for worship and praise expands again, beyond anything I’ve ever felt. I feel worship in depths that I never knew I had – and the Father’s pleasure in my worship floods me with love, peace, and a sense of being where I was created to be, doing what I was created to do.
Our spirits return, and I look at Him in amazement. He smiles and says, “There are many aspects of this level of worship that you are not aware of, which you will discover in time. For now, know that we share a special connection, unlike any other. In the world, one of the gifts I gave all my children was the ability to have a strong faith. You chose to develop this gift above all the others, and used that faith to worship Me. This is your deepest desire. The depth of worship you craved was, in fact, a deep desire to be one with Me spiritually. The joining of our spirits has made that possible. Each time you worship, our spirits will become more intertwined.”
I sit up and embrace Him. We sit together on the sofa, and He shows me, in my heart, how to go to the Father when I want, and how to come to Him. He shows me how I can use this ability to communicate my love to others. I can also, for a short time, share this ability with others, as they can share theirs with me.
I don’t know how long we sit together, but when He stands, my grip on His hand tightens. “Wait” I say.
He turns back to me, and I stand in front of Him. I intertwine my fingers with His, look into His eyes, and worship Him, using every bit of my expanded ability. Our spirits soar together. The more I worship, the higher He takes me, until I’m not even sure where I am, just that He is with me, and feels the same joy.
When we return to the throne room, I start to join the celebration, but hesitate leaving Him. “Go ahead. I’ll always be here.” He says. I join the party, and no matter where I go, or who I’m with, He is there. It’s almost as if He is standing next to me everywhere I go.
But I need to find some place where I can be alone. Even with my new mind and body, I need to take some time to process this glorious gift.
“Lord,” my heart says to His.
“Yes, child?” The feeling of His voice rumbling through my heart causes me to catch my breath. I look up to His throne, where He still sits. His eye catches mine, and I am struck speechless.
“I. . . I . . .” I can’t remember what it was I wanted.
His gentle laugh in my heart stuns me even further. Without my even having to ask, His Spirit leads me out of the room, and there is a hallway to my right. I walk down the hall, where there are several open rooms with various areas to sit. I go into one, and I close the door behind me. I am surprised, but happy, to find that the room blocks out the noise from the celebration. “Thank You.” I whisper quietly.
I lie back on a small loveseat, and close my eyes, thinking. My enhanced memory enables me to go back over everything with amazing accuracy. I review it all, trying to take it in. I wonder how often I can worship my Father, if I am limited at all. With His Spirit and mine intertwined, I hear Him as clearly as if He were beside me.
“You may worship as often as you like.”
So, I close my eyes, and go again to the Father in worship.
The difference between the first and second experiences is astounding. Feelings and emotions I have never been able to express, or even define, come so easily that I can’t figure out what was so hard about it before. Despite all this, I still want to express more love, more worship. I feel comfort from the Father, and assurance that it will come. When I return to myself, I'm smiling, content.
I stand and stretch, relieved to find that my legs will support me. This ability is amazing. It is what my spirit longed for my entire life. I never imagined such a deep, profound level of praise and worship. Could anything be better than this?
“This is barely the beginning, child.” I spin quickly, and He is there.
“Won’t You be missed?” I ask.
“I can be in many places at once.”
The thought makes me smile, that He can be with me without leaving the others. My heart does a somersault when He extends His hand to me. As our fingers intertwine, once again I surrender my spirit to His.
I think, Every time I think I can’t be any happier, that nothing could be better than what You’ve shown me, You surprise me.
His amused nod and confident look tells me that there are many more surprises, an eternity of them.
When Jesus met me at the gates, He was the welcoming Friend, glad to see me and to hold me. As time has passed, He has been both regal and approachable, both majestic, and fun-loving.
But this is different. On earth, the rapture has occurred. We now stand before the judgment seat of Christ. Our lives are being judged. In my heart, I hear Him call to me.
I approach Him. He is sitting on His throne, eight steps above me. I come as far as a couple of steps below Him, and kneel before my Lord. There is a large torch beside Him, burning with a white-hot flame. A seraph steps forward with a book which has my name on it.
He looks at the seraph and nods. The seraph begins to read.
Every sinful action and thought I ever committed is written in that book. Though He took the guilt away when I first came, it is still difficult to hear.
Then I hear His voice. “I have paid for that sin.” My eyes fly up to His, and I cannot look away, as the seraph reads sins, and Jesus says, “That debt is paid,” after each one. At each declaration, the seraph places the page on the flame beside him, and it burns to nothing. As I kneel there, I realize just how much His grace gave me, and with each sin paid for, my wonder grows.
The voice of the seraph fades in my mind, and all I hear is Jesus’ statement, over and over. “That debt is paid.” He has paid all my debts. Our eyes are still locked together, and I shake my head slowly, only now realizing just how much He loves me, and the lengths He went to so that I could be counted as righteous. He did all this for me? I ask myself incredulously
.
Suddenly, Jesus raises a hand, stopping the seraph’s reading.
“Come here, little one.” He tells me. The look of tenderness on His face is almost more than I can bear. I rise and come to Him. His hand gently enfolds mine. “Stand here by Me.”
Then, without His gaze leaving mine, He motions again to the seraph, who begins to read where he left off. Our faces are less than two feet apart, and I can barely hold his gaze as He again replies to each of the seraph’s readings with a whispered, “It is paid.” The seraph finishes, closes the book, and takes a step back.
Jesus cups my face with His hand, and it’s more than I can stand. I fall back to my knees, and wonder how I will ever be able to express my gratitude, my desperate need to worship One so full of grace and mercy? Words won’t come.
“Hear my heart,” my spirit cries out to Him.
Love and grace are flowing from Him like a river, engulfing me in peace. I don’t understand such a love. I bow my head, and rest my forehead on His knee. I feel His hand stroke my hair, and can’t suppress a shudder of pure emotion.
“I hear your heart, beloved. And yes, I love you that much, and more.”
“Can I just stay here forever?” I whisper.
He places His hand under my chin and pulls my gaze back to Him. “We are not finished.” I look questioningly at Him. It is then that I notice the seraph is back, this time with another book with my name on it.
“More sin?” I think to myself.
The seraph begins to read.
“October 14th, 2006, accepted our Lord in her heart
January 5th, 2007, prayed for and received the Holy Spirit baptism;
January 8th, confessed her faith to a brother in Christ; . . .”
My eyes widen, and Jesus’ eyes sparkle, as this list is read. I had almost forgotten that the positive, as well as negative, would be revealed. This time, as each page is placed in the fire, it seems to melt down into the hottest part of the flame. The list goes on: “March, 2007, heard and accepted God’s calling for her life; June, 2007, led her son to Christ . . .”
Again, the seraph’s voice fades, as I concentrate on my Lord’s face. The tenderness is still there, but now pride shines through. He is proud of me. My mind has difficulty grasping that idea. My Lord’s hand brushes my cheek, and His love for me is obvious. With each deed read, the emotion in His eyes deepens.
Then, the seraph stops reading. He reaches into the fire, and then hands something to Jesus. It’s a crown, a beautiful golden crown. There are jewels all around it, and they sparkle as if they each have their own light in them. He turns to me, and places the crown on my head.
.
“Well done, child.” He says quietly.
“This represents my life?” I ask in wonder.
At His nod, I rise, and remove the crown. “Then it rightfully belongs to my King.” I say, and I place the crown where it belongs: on His head. He stands and I step gratefully into His arms.
Then He puts one finger under my chin and lifts my face to His. He bends down to me, and brushes His lips against my forehead, whispering, “I love you. Go join the rest. The Wedding feast is beginning.”
The rest? I had forgotten the crowd even existed.
As I return to the crowd, I realize that He has judged everyone at once. Music begins, and there is a gigantic table, laden with foods of all kinds. At first, the music is solemn and worshipful, paying homage to our King and praising His great love and sacrifice. We are given the words and melody in our hearts, and everyone sings in harmony. It’s a choir of billions, including many legions of angelic beings.
Jesus smiles as He listens. At the end of the song, He stands, and all fall silent. “Beloved, I accept your worship, and return to you My love.” At this, I am hit with a wave of love that brings me to my knees. When I catch my breath, I notice that everyone was equally affected, including the angels.
He continues. “This is a celebration, children. Dance. Sing. Eat. Love one another. Have fun.”
The music starts again, this time joyful and upbeat. It’s a song with so much joy, that it is difficult not to dance.
The celebration is enormous. Everyone I see is so joyful. Some are eating at huge buffets, loaded with foods I’ve never seen or tasted before coming home. Some are talking, laughing. Some are praising Messiah, Who is sitting on His throne, watching His children with satisfaction. Some are singing. A large number of people are dancing. It’s the dance of ecstatic children.
Somehow, though, all the noise is harmonious. It’s impossible to tell how long the celebration has been going on. Sometimes it feels like it just started, and sometimes I can’t remember doing anything else.
I had been dancing earlier, and I have spoken with many of my heroes. I especially enjoyed talking to the earthly father of Jesus. Joseph told me he had indeed felt perplexed at the idea of having to show his Creator how to hold a hammer. I also was privileged to speak with Gabriel, the messenger who told Mary that she would be the mother of the Christ. None of the attempts at portraying him showed his beauty, or his regal bearing. I had never thought about an angel’s voice, but his was gentle and kind, despite his intimidating size.
I make my way to the front of the crowd, greeting people as I go. I wonder how long it would take to speak to everyone. There must be billions here, I think. But it is only a side thought.
When I come to the front of the crowd, I am where I want to be – standing once again at the bottom of eight long steps. At the top is Christ, seated on His throne, speaking to one of the elders. Quietly, I sit on the bottom step for a while, and enjoy simply looking at Him.
Someone calls to me, and I turn and acknowledge the greeting, but decline the offer to join the party again.
Do you need anything, little one? The voice is spoken directly to my heart.
I turn back to Him, and respond, “No, Lord Jesus.”
He smiles. “Come here.” I hadn’t realized how badly I had wanted to hear that until He said it. I slowly climbed the steps, not breaking eye contact with Him. I stop on the sixth step, and go down on one knee.
Bowing my head, I say, “Yes, Lord?”
“Sit here beside Me.”
I sit on the top step, next to Him at His feet, pulling one knee up to my chest and resting my head on it. As I look up at Him, I feel such a flood of peace, that I can’t imagine being more content. He goes back to speaking with the elder, but the light emanating from Him infuses my entire being with His love. As I bask in His light, my hand slides down my leg, and brushes His foot.
Absently, my fingers skim over the scars on His feet. I remember thinking that they would be horrific-looking, and they are, but they are also the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, because of the love that they represent. My hand rests on His foot, and my thumb rubs the scar, wishing I could erase the pain that came with it.
It no longer pains Me, little one.
As my face turns pink, I pull my hand back, glancing up at His face. Though He’s still listening to the elder, His gaze falls on me briefly, His eyes sparkling with both love at my gesture, and amusement at my mild embarrassment. I return His smile, and close my eyes, sighing in contentment.
He finishes speaking to the elder, and grows quiet. I open my eyes again, and He is looking at me. My heart is so full of love for this God-Man. I want to tell Him, but I’m frozen, lost in His eyes. He cups my face with His hand, and I wonder at His love for me, so obvious in His expression. Still holding my gaze, He sends to my heart memories – the same ones the seraph had read from the second book. The time I first gave my life to Him, and accepted His salvation. The thrill I felt when I first totally surrendered all control of my life to Him. The (albeit reluctant) acceptance of His call on my life. The memories keep coming, at lightening speed, each memory one where I obeyed His voice.
Then He responds possessively, “I love you because you are Mine.”
I smile and nod. “I am Yours.” I agree.
When someone approaches to speak with Him, I turn and look out over the crowd. I watch the people as they rejoice, but I’m happy to stay where I am for now. As I sit there, without thinking I lean my head to one side, resting on the side of His knee. His hand rests on my head, encouraging me to stay there. I feel so peaceful, but I wish I could express how much I worship Him. He knows my heart, and I have no doubt that He knows the extent of my love for Him. But I’d still like to be able to show it.
“Come with Me.” I look up, and as He stands, He holds out His hand to me.
We walk a couple of steps, and the throne room fades. I look up at Him as we emerge into a large sitting room. There’s a fireplace with a chair just to the right of it and a sofa on the left. He walks with me to the fireplace, where there is a warm fire burning. Walking a few steps away, He turns back to me, motions to the chair, and says, “Sit, please. I want to explain something to you.” I nod, and He begins.
“I placed in all souls the desire for a joining of their spirits with Mine. There are different desires in each person’s spirit. All want to share in the love I have for them. But some want to understand how We created all things. Some desire above all else a deeper understanding of the events of earth’s history. Quite a few desire to write, or sing, expressing their love for the Father. Each person is different, with different interests. These desires all stem from the gifts the Spirit gave them, how well they developed them, and their desire for unity with Me. I will meet with each of them, and fulfill their hearts’ desires. Each of my children will have a special relationship with Me, each one unlike any other.”
I nod again, understanding so far. But His next words startle me.
“What is your heart’s desire? What do you want above all things?”
I smile shyly. “I just want to be with You, Lord. I don’t have a desire deeper than that.” I say quietly.
“Yes, you do. There is one thing you wish for, even now.”
I look at Him, a little confused. “I don’t understand, Lord.”
Still He waits. Say what’s in your heart, He says silently to me. You have thought about it many times since you came home.
Of course, He knows, but He wants me to see it for myself. I close my eyes, and think. I find the answer in my own thoughts. I look up at Him with wonder.
“I want to be able to express my worship of You.”
He nods, and smiles at me. “Yes, exactly.” He comes closer, and kneels, so that we are eye to eye.
“All my children desire to express their love in different ways.” His hand reaches out, and brushes down my cheek. “You, beloved, you are special indeed. You desire above all else to experience pure, holy worship, to express what is in your heart. In the world, after you came to Me, you could never get enough of My Spirit, never felt like you could communicate enough of your love to Me. You worried about being selfish, of asking for My Spirit too much. You were never satisfied with the small part of My Spirit that your mortal body could contain. The hunger to be with Me and to communicate your love for Me was strong in your spirit, and that hunger is still with you. It is why you would rather sit with Me than to join in the celebration.”
I am frozen, stunned at these truths that I could never quite pin down. Despite the peace following Him had given me, there had always been an ache, a longing, for an unachievable closeness with Him.
He rises, and motions for me to stand as well, as His expression becomes serious. “Now, I will fulfill your heart’s desire. I will join My Spirit with yours on a much deeper level, and you will be able to express your worship at the level you wish.”
He holds out His hand, and I take it, completely trusting.
Our eyes meet, and I gasp as I feel His Spirit flowing into me, through our joined hands and through our eyes. The feeling is unlike anything I’ve ever known or understood. Peace floods my spirit as our spirits mesh, and become inseparable.
The pressure builds in my heart, and I instinctively begin to feed our combined spirits back to Him. His smile tells me that I have begun to understand. This is to be not a gift from Him to me, but a give-and-take, both of us giving, and both of us receiving.
My eyes close, and I feel like I’m going to come apart into thousands of shards of spirit – His and mine. Aspects and facets of worship I never dreamed of are flooding my mind. A part of my mind stores them away for now – rational thought is nearly impossible. The peace is so overwhelming, my mind retreats to the background, and our combined spirits take over control.
I find myself falling, all strength gone from my legs. He catches me as I fall, and gently lowers me to the sofa behind me.
My eyes open, and He is sitting next to me. He’s right, I do understand now. Or I’m beginning to.
My eyes widen as I slowly begin to realize the gift He’s given me – the knowledge and ability to worship Him the way I’ve always wanted to. With my whole mind, strength, soul and spirit, together in harmony. And there is another level of worship, one that I have no words for, which connects me with Him at deeper levels than I knew existed. I reach out, and my hand brushes His face, as I say, “And I thought I couldn’t get closer to You.”
He laughs a little. “Your ability to worship, and to express love, has increased a thousand-fold. And it will continue to grow. My Spirit has fully joined with yours. Our spirits will never separate.” My mind quickly scans through some of the abilities His Spirit has imparted to mine, and reels at the possibilities.
Then He whispers, “I’ll show you. Close your eyes.” I do, and He adds, “Relax. Feel My Spirit flowing through you.”
“Surrender your spirit to Mine. Let My Spirit lead you.” My heart understands, and my spirit soars, following His, entering a circle of light brighter than any I’ve ever seen, even brighter than His light. I realize that I stand before the Father in all His glory.
With His Spirit as my guide, I use my expanded abilities; I take every ounce of worship that is in me, and give it to Jehovah God. But even as I worship, my capacity for worship and praise expands again, beyond anything I’ve ever felt. I feel worship in depths that I never knew I had – and the Father’s pleasure in my worship floods me with love, peace, and a sense of being where I was created to be, doing what I was created to do.
Our spirits return, and I look at Him in amazement. He smiles and says, “There are many aspects of this level of worship that you are not aware of, which you will discover in time. For now, know that we share a special connection, unlike any other. In the world, one of the gifts I gave all my children was the ability to have a strong faith. You chose to develop this gift above all the others, and used that faith to worship Me. This is your deepest desire. The depth of worship you craved was, in fact, a deep desire to be one with Me spiritually. The joining of our spirits has made that possible. Each time you worship, our spirits will become more intertwined.”
I sit up and embrace Him. We sit together on the sofa, and He shows me, in my heart, how to go to the Father when I want, and how to come to Him. He shows me how I can use this ability to communicate my love to others. I can also, for a short time, share this ability with others, as they can share theirs with me.
I don’t know how long we sit together, but when He stands, my grip on His hand tightens. “Wait” I say.
He turns back to me, and I stand in front of Him. I intertwine my fingers with His, look into His eyes, and worship Him, using every bit of my expanded ability. Our spirits soar together. The more I worship, the higher He takes me, until I’m not even sure where I am, just that He is with me, and feels the same joy.
When we return to the throne room, I start to join the celebration, but hesitate leaving Him. “Go ahead. I’ll always be here.” He says. I join the party, and no matter where I go, or who I’m with, He is there. It’s almost as if He is standing next to me everywhere I go.
But I need to find some place where I can be alone. Even with my new mind and body, I need to take some time to process this glorious gift.
“Lord,” my heart says to His.
“Yes, child?” The feeling of His voice rumbling through my heart causes me to catch my breath. I look up to His throne, where He still sits. His eye catches mine, and I am struck speechless.
“I. . . I . . .” I can’t remember what it was I wanted.
His gentle laugh in my heart stuns me even further. Without my even having to ask, His Spirit leads me out of the room, and there is a hallway to my right. I walk down the hall, where there are several open rooms with various areas to sit. I go into one, and I close the door behind me. I am surprised, but happy, to find that the room blocks out the noise from the celebration. “Thank You.” I whisper quietly.
I lie back on a small loveseat, and close my eyes, thinking. My enhanced memory enables me to go back over everything with amazing accuracy. I review it all, trying to take it in. I wonder how often I can worship my Father, if I am limited at all. With His Spirit and mine intertwined, I hear Him as clearly as if He were beside me.
“You may worship as often as you like.”
So, I close my eyes, and go again to the Father in worship.
The difference between the first and second experiences is astounding. Feelings and emotions I have never been able to express, or even define, come so easily that I can’t figure out what was so hard about it before. Despite all this, I still want to express more love, more worship. I feel comfort from the Father, and assurance that it will come. When I return to myself, I'm smiling, content.
I stand and stretch, relieved to find that my legs will support me. This ability is amazing. It is what my spirit longed for my entire life. I never imagined such a deep, profound level of praise and worship. Could anything be better than this?
“This is barely the beginning, child.” I spin quickly, and He is there.
“Won’t You be missed?” I ask.
“I can be in many places at once.”
The thought makes me smile, that He can be with me without leaving the others. My heart does a somersault when He extends His hand to me. As our fingers intertwine, once again I surrender my spirit to His.
I think, Every time I think I can’t be any happier, that nothing could be better than what You’ve shown me, You surprise me.
His amused nod and confident look tells me that there are many more surprises, an eternity of them.